I am referring, of course, to the largest agricultural fair in Pennsylvania - the Bloomsburg Fair! Located in Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania, this major event spans 227 acres. Open for only nine days each year at the end of September, it offers thrill rides, major live concerts and other entertainment, a cornucopia of varied cuisines, games of chance, crafts on display, competitive exhibitions ranging from vegetables to canned foods, livestock judging, and much more.
I attended this wondrous faire yesterday. It was a cloudy Sunday afternoon, and the air was of a kindly temper.
I shunned the general parking which was $5 if purchased online and $10 if paid on the spot, for its true cost also included a long pilgrimage of a faire’s length before reaching the actual faire. Instead, I paid ten dollars to leave my steed upon a man’s lawn, which lay close by one of the faire’s gates. This parking custom is practiced each year, that the landowners nearby might add a little coin to their coffers.
The goodman in the wheelchair who took my coin apologized for the steepness of the fee. While I gathered my walking staff and secured my belongings, I turned to find him holding forth his fist. Mistaking this for a greeting of the clenched hand, I lightly tapped it with my own. Yet he shook his head and bade me extend my palm, which I did, though with some curiosity. Then, to my astonishment, he dropped into my hand a small ring of paper, cleverly fashioned from a dollar bill, with the numeral One showcased as a square gem. I offered him my heartiest thanks and wore the ring upon my little finger. It bore the hopeful promise of a merry evening yet to come.
Upon passing through the gates of the faire, it seemed the very air itself had changed. A merry spirit hung upon the place, and smiling faces were seen everywhere beneath a thousand twinkling lights. Laughter and cries of wonder mingled with the music and clamor of the grounds, while upon the breeze drifted the marvelous scents of freshly baked pizza, warm pretzels, and hearty hoagies.
The joy of the place was nigh enough to touch. Wherever one looked, listened, or drew a deep breath, some new delight did reveal itself - a veritable feast for all the senses.
I wandered the faire with my trusty companion by my side, who was no less enchanted by the merriment than I. Yet with so many temptations spread before us, it proved no simple matter to decide what should first be sampled.
Might we begin with a draught to soothe our parched throats after our travels? Ah, but which drink? A hearty tankard of birch beer? A cup of freshly squeezed lemonade? Or perchance one of those sweet, sparkling concoctions, bubbling most curiously within its vessel?
With such choices laid before us, even the simple act of choosing a drink became itself a small adventure.
At length, I did settle upon a freshly squeezed orange drink from a curious establishment known as “The Giant Orange” - a name most fitting indeed, for the place was fashioned in the likeness of an enormous orange, as though some colossal fruit had rolled into the faire and set up shop.
My companion, meanwhile, wandered across the path and did choose the freshly squeezed lemonade.
We savored our drinks as we ventured ever deeper into the faire.
We meandered onward until we came upon a grand display of tractors and other wondrous farm machinery, each one a marvel of the latest modern technology. There we lingered for a while, admiring the mighty contraptions, until my companion briefly departed my side to commune with a kindred gathering nearby.
In due course, our wanderings began to weary us, and thus we trudged onward, our thoughts turning from marvels and machinery to finding something to eat.
But once again, with such a bounty of tempting fare spread before us, choosing one from close to one thousand establishments seemed a task beyond the wisdom of mere mortals. The Greek Shack for a gyro? A great bag of Papa’s Kettle Corn? Fried dough, funnel cakes, corn dogs? A bag of saltwater taffy to chew? Sweet roasted corn? Pizza? Hot pretzels? Pierogies? Fried Oreos? The latter being a most curious concoction, generally not offered in this realm, I am told, until the Great Faire.
Yet whilst traipsing about upon our quest for sustenance, we were waylaid by those most tempting games of chance. Naturally, we could not resist trying our hands at them. But the rings steadfastly refused to settle upon the necks of the bottles, the balls would not find their way into the milk jugs, and that infernal wheel of sweets seemed determined never to halt upon a number of our choosing. How miserably inept we proved to be!
And yet, all about us wandered triumphant souls, clutching enormous stuffed beasts beneath their arms - undeniable proof that victory was indeed possible, though not, it seemed, for us.
We returned to our quest for sustenance. At length, I settled upon a one-pound box of Michael Mootz fudge, a confection so wondrously rich and sweet that, after but a single taste, I desired naught else.
Mine companion did choose the task of walking whilst essaying to eat a funnel cake from a paper plate, most deliciously dusted with confectioners' sugar. Twas a task most arduous, for he could scarce partake without becoming himself dusted in the very sweet powder he sought to eat.
Once again having proceeded forth, we passed by a host of thrilling contrivances, each aglow with lanterns and colored lights as though enchanted by some merry sorcerer. They wheeled and soared with wonderous speed, making mighty swooshing sounds as they swept their passengers up into the air, or sent them sailing in wild circles. There arose many cries and screams - not of terror, but of great delight and merriment. We beheld these marvels with astonishment, scarcely able to turn our eyes away as they flashed and roared like splendid beasts of steel.
So many footpaths lay before us that we chose our way at random, knowing not whither they might lead. Ere long, we stood before mighty halls of brick. Our tiresome legs decided to visit only one of the buildings.It happened to be where the season’s bounty was proudly displayed, including pumpkins so vast that no mortal hands alone could have borne them thither. There, too, were wonders of ages past, set forth for our marvel, including an ancient piano and a once mighty tractor.
After yet more wandering afoot, we chanced upon a peddler of cloth, and there I discovered a fine sweatshirt emblazoned with the name of the Bloomsburg Faire. 
Deeming it a fitting garment for those chillsome evenings yet to come upon my travels, I gladly parted with the most reasonable sum of five-and-twenty dollars and claimed it as my own. A fair price indeed!
But, as I stood admiring my new garment, I lifted mine eyes and beheld that my companion had fallen under the enchantment of Dave's Gyros. He had erred in watching the meat be shaved, and ere long I found him at the counter, bidding them serve him a gyro.
I joined my friend in a place of rest, where he heartily feasted upon his gyro, and the respite was most welcome. The faire itself stretcheth across nigh 250 acres. Though we wandered from morn till night, we yet missed the whole of the husbandry hall, the gardeners’ hall, and the barns wherein the beasts were kept. We also failed to visit the ancient schoolhouse of but one room, which had been brought thither to the grounds. Verily, more than a single day would be needed to behold all that the faire hath to offer.
And then, to our amazement, we discovered that our wanderings had carried us through nearly the whole of the faire, for there before us stood once more the very gates through which we had first entered.
And so we passed beyond them and began the trek back to our conveyance, leaving behind us the distant screams of those brave souls upon the thrill rides and the cries of the barkers urging passersby to try their luck at the games of chance, whilst the cheerful hum of countless fairgoers still reveled in the merriment.
The kindly gentleman in the wheelchair was busily conversing with a fresh gathering of faire-goers who had arrived to partake of his parking service. Thus we slipped quietly past with little more than a wave, my hand still adorned with the paper-dollar ring he had fashioned for me upon our arrival.
Thus ended our day at the faire. We departed weary of foot, yet well pleased with our adventure, bearing with us our purchases, our memories - especially cherished was the dollar ring upon my finger - and perhaps a small portion of the merriment itself.
And I remain hopeful that, ere too long, my travels shall carry me once more unto that happy place.
